Bodily Fluids....eewww gross!

If you get squeamish at all at the sight, thought, smell, or feel of any kind of bodily fluids, please, do NOT read the following post. It will gross you out...majorly. Or if you are fair of heart and think it crude for me to post about bodily fluids, do NOT read the following post.

You have had fair warning. There are pictures too.

So Graydon is an oozer of all sorts of bodily fluids. And I am trying to be a "glass is half full" kind of a person. All mothers know that poop happens, and you've just got to laugh at yourself, right? It's the only way to survive.

So this post is me laughing with you (hopefully) at situations I constantly find myself in. This is my version of finding humor in crappy situations (pun intended). I decided to document the mess so that I would never forget (oh, how could I ever forget?)

Bodily Fluid Main Offender #1: spit-up

Oh my heavens, my child is a spitter! Those who have been around me can testify that I go through five burp cloths a day (at least). He majorly, majorly spits up after every feeding. I swear, once that child stops throwing up, he will be gaining weight like a maniac. In the meantime, he has to carry all his weight in his cheeks!

The doctor said not to worry about it because the spitting up does not bug him at all. We tried baby Zantac and he HATED that stuff and, you guessed it, spit it up! So I change my clothes several times a day, am constantly doing laundry, and have my Resolve carpet cleaner handy for the projectile, over the shoulder spews.

And no, this picture was not of the same offense, just one right after I cleaned the first one up, thank you very much.

One of the annoying side effects of spit-up is the dirty neck. We can all see that Graydon has very chubby cheeks, well, that extends to his neck too. Every night I have to force him to put his head back so that I can clean the curds out from his neck wrinkles. Wow, that sounds even grosser when I put it into words.

Bodily Fluid Offender #2: poop

Us parents of little ones can all sympathize with each other when it comes to baby poop. It's gross. Just the other day I was burping Graydon with his back to my friend Stephanie. We both heard the tell-tale signs of his pooping (juicy toots), but we both SAW it too. His onesie actually bubbled up at the top of his diaper and within seconds the nasty color started soaking through.

This mess happened right after I changed a dirty diaper, before I had a chance to put down the clean one. When I took the picture my only intention was to prove to X what had happened that morning. Then I thought I should document the nastiness. I made the picture small so that you would be spared the details.

I actually have dried poop on a sign-up list for a church activity. X was holding Graydon, not knowing that he had pooped all over the both of them in their church clothes and somehow the sign-up list got mixed up in there too. Oh poop.

Offender #3: pee pee

No, I don't have a picture for you, but we get peed on. For the two short seconds that Graydon is being lifted into the bathtub, after having removed his diaper and before he's submerged in water, he manages to pee on us and the surrounding walls and countertops!

When he was just one week old the funniest thing happened. This was before we learned our lesson. X was changing his diaper and started to play with him before he fastened the clean one up. He was all up in G's face smiling and laughing. He then felt something on his cheek and thought it was probably a stray hair of mine tickling his face (since I'm shedding like crazy). No, it was Graydon peeing on his dad's cheek! Oh, it never fails to make me laugh!

Offender #4: boogers

How do you get those darn things out? The bulb syringe...yeah, it doesn't really work. So the only two ways to get the ever-present nostril-blocking boogers out are: 1) spray nose saline up there which makes them really wet and also makes Graydon cry, which leads to 2) when he cries he breaths really deeply and the little boogers come flying in and out of his nose with each breath. I have to position my finger right outside his nostril and catch the little boogers as they come flying out and before they get sucked back in. He hates it. So do I.

This picture was not meant to document the booger. I just noticed afterwards that the right nostril looks white as compared to the left. That's a booger. Please excuse the deer-in-headlights look. The picture would have been deleted if not for the documentation purposes.

Offender #5: milk

As Graydon is nursing, he sometimes just opens his mouth and lets milk ooze out of his mouth. Um, thank you buddy. As if I wasn't already covered in all of your bodily fluids, now you have to cover me in my own. Thank you very much. Breastfeeding can just be messy, that's all I have to say.

Combination of all bodily fluids (minus the booger):

Yesterday I was nursing Gray in the morning. The offenses started with milk. He let it ooze out of him and all over me. Thank you for the first offense.

Then I start to feel a little warmth spreading on my stomach...never a good sign. His diaper was so full that it was spilling out (he had just woken up and was demanding to be fed...no time for a diaper change before the feeding!). So he peed on the side of my that was dry.

Then of course he spits up...majorly and there is baby barf everywhere...everywhere. Over me, him, the rocking chair, the carpet, the nursing pillow.

Then we go to change the diaper and before I could get the clean one under him, he pooped on the changing table (as pictured above). So all within 10 minutes of each other, I experienced 4 of the 5 bodily fluid offenders.

I love being a mom, I truly do. It makes me laugh.